Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
