he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
