You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
