Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
