he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
