yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
