why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
