he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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