my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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