I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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