at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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