Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
