i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
