I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
