got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I intend to get homeless drunk
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
