just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
