We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
