i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
