i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
