The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
