Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
