am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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