im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
