Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
