There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
