the day after is always just damage control
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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