They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
