You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Even my vagina gasped.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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