Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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