I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
