We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
