I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
