Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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