after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
