wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
