im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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