i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
