If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
