K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
