He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
