I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
