just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
