i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
