U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
