At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
