never play flip cup with pint glasses
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
