I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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