3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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