It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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