please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
