stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
